Grow Up!

Growing up is something I hate. I wish I was like Peter Pan who never grew up and who basically did not want to shoulder the painful responsibilities the world had to offer. I wish I could go back in time and stay right there.

I remember the days when I used to wish that I would finish my schooling fast and why was that? So that I could stop doing homework. Yeah, that was lame. Then I wanted to finish college real soon because I couldn’t stand college – OK this is a valid reason.  Then I was stubborn that I wanted to work and now I whine when I am dead tired while reaching my doorstep.

So why is it painful to grow up? Is it solely because of responsibilities or the fact that the world doesn’t look rainbow colored as we were brought up to believe while singing nursery rhymes? The naïve life that we lived isn’t there anymore. I used to cry when I see birds dying or fishes floating lifeless till I was 14. I thought that it was the worst thing that could happen in one’s life and oops… I was wrong. Now, I have seen live scenarios of people getting hurt. They sure did never teach us to be prepared for all this while we were kids.

I thought my fourth grade friend stealing my favorite pink Minnie mouse pen was the worst sin anyone could commit but had I known how people can backstab, I would have gladly given my friend a box of pink Minnie mouse pens. We were protected from all that’s bad in this world but eventually we learn it or experience it one way or the other.

Maybe this was why God forbade Adam and Eve to eat the fruit of knowledge; to keep them happier but like me and everyone else in this world, they just wanted to “know” stuff.  I am sure after that mistake they probably wished to turn back time too.

It’s not like I laugh now when I see birds or dogs dying, but I have learnt to deal with it. I learnt to harden myself and not be foolish and naïve. I mean we’re living in a world that is filled with terrorism, child trafficking, poverty and wars - not Barney the friendly, purple dinosaur dancing around singing 'I love you'. It’s true that I miss the good ol' days cycling on a four-wheeled cycle wearing a petticoat and getting balls of rice fed to me by my mom, but one day whether we like it or not, we have to accept the fact that life must go on.  Unless we grow up and learn to face the world, I don't think we will ever be able to protect our children and give them the courage to move up in life.

Have you ever met a Stranger?

I have a form of xenophobia. Let me spare your trouble of googling that word - it means fear of strangers. I don't interact very well with them and I always have this inhibition popping out of nowhere when I meet them. Whenever I meet new people I naturally become quiet and start studying them. Its like I am a porcupine whose quills start taking shape when it senses predators.

I remember this one incident which happened years back. Me and my mom were returning from Vellore after her medical treatment in CMC. We hadn't reserved the train tickets so we got two unreserved tickets and climbed into the reserved compartment. We usually do this and when the train conductor comes we buy the reserved tickets from him for the sleeper class. This time we were in for bad luck as the train was totally crowded and I had a hunch that there wouldn't be any sleeper class tickets available. We sat in one empty berth facing a couple traveling to Kerala. I sat there facing the window while my mom was dozing off owing to fatigue. The man whom I assumed to be the woman's husband looked at me and smiled and I could feel that sudden inhibition waking up in me. I shifted uneasily, pretended as if I did not see him and continued to stare out of the window. He turned to his wife and they were chit chatting about something in Malayalam excitedly and were eating crackers.

Slowly, the woman turned to my mom and smiled at her and asked her in Malayalam where we were heading to. My mom replied in Tamil and politely asked her where they were from. She told some Ernakulam or something, and offered my mom some crackers and my mom took one. Then the lady offered me the silver wrapper containing the salty crackers and I cautiously took one. I slowly nudged my mom's foot and with the power of eye language, was telling her to throw the cracker out of the window. (Don't blame me..I had my reasons.. people used to drug these things and rob for heaven's sake!) She passed it on to me and I pretended to go to the rest room and flung those evil crackers out of the window and resumed my calm posture on the seat staring at the fleeing fields and trees.

I tried looking for the train conductor amidst the hustle of tea and coffee sellers so that I could ask him if there were any available tickets but he was nowhere to be seen. No one came to claim the seats we were resting upon so I thought everything will be fine. After a few long hours when I was in deep slumber, I found myself waking up to some loud noises coming from my berth below and I could see the familiar couple arguing with the train conductor and my mom having a very worried expression on her face. I jumped down thinking the predicted robbery had happened - I was wrong. The reality was a couple of men who owned these berths came and started arguing for their rightful seats, whereas the couple whom I misjudged, were defending my mom and tried reasoning with them to give her a seat since she was sick. I felt kind of foolish as my instincts had gone wrong. Finally the couple gave up one of their two berths to us so that we shouldn't be kicked out and they adjusted with one.

Their stop for Ernakulam arrived and they bid us goodbye with their ever smiling faces. I could feel those porcupine spines in me relaxing and I waved back at them smiling, genuinely this time.